Directing the Camera

By

Dave Trottier 

READER’S QUESTION: 

We know that long before a script becomes a movie it is first a reading experience, and that we should avoid camera directions because that's the director's job. But there is a definite feel I wish to communicate in my first page. Here it is. 

EXT. HIGHWAY 27 - DAY - AERIAL VIEW 

WE SEE the lush Florida countryside until we FIND our subject, a dark blue van. 

SLOW ZOOM IN ON VAN 

VIEW ON VAN - MOVING 

Two characters shout at each other while the CAMERA MOVES beside the van until we see the child/protagonist looking out the window at us. 

INT. VAN 

Everyone is quiet.

DAVE’S ANSWER: 

I would not call the above a riveting "reading experience."  Notice in the above example that the focus is on how the story is told, not on the story itself.  What is going on in the car?  We don't know.  Who are the characters?  Why is the child looking out the window?  What is his or her facial expression?  Is the child a boy or a girl?  We don't know because you are too involved directing your movie. 

How can you improve this without sacrificing much in terms of the "feel" that you want to communicate?  The revision that follows is not a masterpiece, but I hope you find it a better read than the original.  Please note the implied camera directions, including the aerial view you want with the camera tracking down to the van and then inside.

EXT. FLORIDA - DAY 

From the Atlantic shore, the lush countryside extends for miles westward. 

Below, a black two-lane highway meanders through the spring growth.  

A rusted-out van scoots down the highway. 

EXT./INT. VAN - SAME 

The van rumbles along.  

Inside, two twenty-something parents, BUSTER and CAROL shout at each other, although their words cannot be heard. 

Buster shoots an angry look to the back where LISA, age 6, leans away from him and stares out the window at the beautiful trees and shrubs whizzing by. 

The child’s are sad.  She sits motionless, looking trapped.  One little hand presses against the window. 

The parents are silent now -- gathering steam before their next eruption. 

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About Dave Trottier

Dave Trottier is an award-winning teacher, in-demand script consultant, and screenwriter (10 scripts sold; 3 produced). He is also the author of  The Screenwriter’s Bible (now in its fifth edition) and the friendly  host of keepwriting.com.